“Today Matters” Part VI – Book Review

Book Review 6 – Today Matters by John Maxwell

Family: I will communicate with and care for my family daily, because my family gives me stability

Why family matters today? Because family can have a negative, destabilizing effect, or be an incredible advantage in life

A funny story about the black sheep in the family: A family wanted its history written up so they hired a professional biographer to do it, but they worried about how the document would handle the family’s black sheep. Uncle George had been executed in the electric chair for murder. “No problem,” said the biographer. “I’ll say that Uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a real shock.”

It’s true that you cannot do anything to change your ancestry or upbringing. You have no control over what your parents or grandparents did or how they treated you. but while you can’t do much about your ancestors, you can influence your descendants greatly. You determine how your family. You’re the one who decides whether you will stay and work things out or leave your family when the going gets rough – as it always does. You determine how you treat others.

Your family can become a source of stability and strength. A healthy, supportive family is like

               A safe haven in a storm. People have to deal with a lot of pressure these days. Where can you find shelter in such climate? If it’s not at home, then it probably isn’t anywhere.

               A photo album of memories. The more positive and loving the environment you strive to create at home, the more good memories they will have to keep them grounded

               A Crucible of character. Family life forges character. The home is the lens through which we get our first look at marriage and all civic duties; it is the clinic where, by conversation and attitude, impressions are created with respect to sobriety and reverence; it is the school where lessons of truth or falsehood, honesty or deceit are learned; it is the mold which ultimately determines the structure of society. Your character is little more than the collection of choices you make and habits you cultivate every day. Since your family creates your primary environment, in influences those choices and habits.

               A mirror revealing truth. Home can be a safe environment to tell the truth about yourself and others, and a safe place to fail.

               A treasure chest of most important relationships. If you don’t come to terms with past relationship, particularly with your parents, you will probably find yourself repeating those patterns. Mother Teresa was asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” Her answer: “Go home and love your family.”

Making the decision to communicate with and care for your family daily

If you want to be successful, but not lose your family in the process, consider defining success as having those closest to you love and respect you the most. No matter what your situation is, you can benefit from the stability that comes from communicating with and caring for your family daily. Here’s how:

               Determine your priorities. Building a solid family doesn’t just happen on its own. You have to work for it. Marriage can’t survive forever on leftovers. It needs to be fed continually, or it will eventually starve.

               Decide on your philosophy. Once you’ve determined to make your family a priority, you have to decide what you want your family to stand for. Decide to cultivate and maintain…

                              Commitment to God

                              Continual Growth

                              Common Experiences

                              Confidence – In God, ourselves, and others

                              Contributions to life. Leave the world a better place than you found it.

               Develop your problem-solving strategy. Some people go into marriage expecting it to be easy. Marriage isn’t easy. Family isn’t easy. Life isn’t easy. Expect problems, stay committed, and develop a strategy for getting through rough times. Do you have a system of fair fight rules? Create a strategy, and be sure that it fosters and promotes three things: 1) Better understanding; 2) positive change; 3) growing relationships

Managing the disciplines of family

               Put your family on your calendar first

               Create and maintain family traditions. Traditions give your family a shared history and a strong sense of identity

               Find ways to spend time together. Time is like oxygen – there’s a minimum amount that’s necessary for survival. And it takes quantity as well as quality to develop warm and caring relationships.

               Keep your marriage healthy first. The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.

               Express appreciation for each other

               Resolve conflict as quickly as possible

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